When Learning Something New Is Hard

Learning something new can feel scary and frustrating. It’s natural to have some fear of the unknown and frustration when we make mistakes. But sometimes learning something new can feel terrifying and infuriating.

If we don’t know how to regulate our emotions or our past experiences have made us prone to heightened emotions of fear and anger, for example, learning something new can feel downright impossible.

It blows me away how much children are learning every day. I actually tried to make a list but was quickly overwhelmed myself. It breaks my heart when I see my own children struggle with intense emotions when trying to learn something they are excited about, like riding a bike.

When feelings of fear and anxiety, frustration and self-doubt take over, I often feel helpless. I could tell them till I’m blue in the face that they can do it, that I believe in them, that they can learn from their mistakes etc. but sometimes my encouragement is just not enough. I just wish I could teach them to encourage themselves when learning something new!

So, I decided to spend some time looking into this. I dug into podcasts, articles, books, and formal trainings in parenting, mental health, and executive functions. Most importantly, I dug into my own experience with learning.

I took time to learn to do things I never thought were possible. I took on renovation projects around my home, learned to create digital illustrations, and I’m still learning how to use social media to communicate with others. Through this journey, I can honestly say, learning something new can be SO hard. It can be overwhelming, scary, and extremely frustrating.

I want to share a few key factors that allowed me to persevere, even in those moments I couldn’t see light at the end of the tunnel.

• Motivation- Why am I learning this? Why is this important?

Motivation is the ship that carries us across the sea of learning something new. The stronger the ship, the more likely we are to weather storms along the way.

• Self-Regulation- the ability to manage our thoughts, feelings and actions. We cannot do this for anyone else, but we can learn and teach skills to support self-regulation. Emotional regulation is the ability to recognize and manage our response to feelings and a critical component of self-regulation.

• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT). A powerful tool to support self-regulation that encompasses strategies for understanding how our thoughts, feelings and actions work together and where we can make changes to support our mental wellbeing.

Self-regulation is the sails of the ship, and the wind is everything around us. The wind can change at any moment. To stay on track and moving forward no matter which way the wind is blowing, we need to be able to adjust the sail.

• Positive mindset- A positive mindset essentially involves a positive outlook and attitude towards life, a way of thinking that is growth oriented and optimistic. I don’t think it’s realistic to have a positive mindset all the time, but every little bit of positivity we can muster helps.

The mindset is the sailor, composed of beliefs and attitudes that drive decisions. It takes a strong sailor to travel through strong winds and stormy seas and a positive mindset might just make all difference in keeping the ship afloat.

Now, this all sounds lovely, but how can we teach these complex ideas and concepts to children to help them with learning something new?

As a counselor, I have learned about so many counseling theories and concepts that support mental health. But for me, nothing really clicks until I have context. I need specific examples that illustrate step by step strategies and demonstrate what something looks like in practice. I believe our children can learn these concepts in the same way.

We can provide examples for children by narrating our own experiences and what we are doing to self-regulate in the moment and by sharing stories that inspire strength and resilience.

I have written a children’s book series, Popper and the Pickleberrys, for children ages 4-8. Children in this age range are transitioning from pre-operational to the concrete operational stage of development according to Piaget’s theory of cognitive development.

• Pre-operational Stage of Development (age 2-7) children are learning through language and imagination and children.

• Concrete Operational Stage of Development (age 8-11) children are developing logical thinking and understand concepts related to concrete situations.

This series aims to introduce concepts of self-regulation, CBT, and a positive mindset by introducing a superpower secret that involves a combination of the imagination, concrete situations, and a super-silly, tongue-twisting catch phrase.

So, if you’re a counselor, educator, parent, or caregiver looking for a new strategy to help children remember to pause and recognize strong emotions, to be mindful of their thoughts, feelings and actions, and to feel empowered to reach for their dreams, please check out Parker’s New Bike, book 1 of the Popper and the Pickleberrys series.

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